Archive for the 'Traditions' Category


respect. toughness. history. tradition.

New video, first posted on Facebook today, by Archie:



let’s play some football.



it’s time.

Did you feel it this morning? I did.

I’m sure it has more to with the northerly wind pulled down towards Pittsburgh by Hurricane Irene than it does an actual change of seasons, but when we walked out of the house today to hunt down some breakfast, I was hit by a cool breeze crossing our front porch.

And it felt like fall.

We’re just a few days away from the start of the season, one that felt like it would never actually get here. It’s going to be an unusual one, with the suspensions, the addition of a new rival that could win the conference in its first season … and the possibility that the NCAA could still drop a nasty surprise in our laps before the end of November.

That’s all real, and it will all have a bearing on what happens in Columbus in the fall of 2011.

But once I felt that breeze this morning, none of it mattered.

What does matter? Arriving in Columbus on Friday. Visiting Buckeye Corner and The Andersons and Giant Eagle. Checking on all the gear Friday afternoon. Checking it again Friday night. Trying, unsuccessfully, to get enough sleep on Friday night that the alarm going off at 5 Saturday morning won’t be too painful. Getting in the lot — whichever lot it turns out to be — at 8, pulling out chairs, starting up the stove, having the first bloody mary, welcoming friends back for the first time since the end of November — that’s what matters.

In terms of the weather, I don’t think it’s going to feel much like fall on Saturday — it’s supposed to be close to 90 by the time the game against Akron is done — but that won’t matter either.

Fall is here. Football is here. And I’m ready to go.


turned a corner.

The team started preseason practice today. Sure, there’s plenty more of The Unpleasantness to come, but we’re at the point of the year when we can finally — FINALLY — start talking about football.

I would say I started getting excited about football today, but that wouldn’t be true.

I’ve been ready for football for a few weeks now.

But before we get to the games, we have to do a proper pregame, right?

There’s this:

And this:

And no pregame would be complete without this:

How’s that for pregame?



If this doesn’t look familiar to you, it probably should: That building over there on the left is sitting squarely on the spot we’ve used for tailgating for the last 87 years.

It also rules out the possibility of squeezing one more season out of our old spot. We sort of knew that already, but the presence of a building there makes it seem pretty official.

So we’re sort of left where we were at this point a year ago — that is, with a bunch of questions about where we might end up for the tailgating portion of the 2011 season. As you may recall, we started the year in the South Lincoln lot — a destination that we had been told would not be available in 2010 — and ended up back where we had been since time began — also a lot that we had been told would be off-limits because of construction.

The other thing we found about football parking a year ago — It might just be best to show up somewhere we like, because it doesn’t seem like many people know what we can or can’t do with a 12th and Cannon parking pass. In that spirit, Bud and I set out for campus during our visit last week to check things out. And if stuff works out as it did a year ago — as in, we show up and act like we belong there — we might not be in for a huge change at all.

This should look a little familiar, right? That’s the Parks Hall loading dock on the right, and the entrance to, ahem, our bathrooms right there in the middle. And look — a bunch of parking spaces! Many, if not most, of the spaces in this area are reserved for handicapped parking, which we are, of course, qualified to use. The spaces we’re looking at here aren’t ideal — there’s no real grass to back up to, and not a ton of room between the rows — but we could make it work. Or, even better, we could do this:

Now we’re over by the loading dock, looking back at Cannon and the newly constructed extension of John Herrick Drive. And: More parking! Sure, the construction trailer doesn’t provide the best view, but check out that last marked space and all that territory next to it. That, boys and girls, could be ours. In fact, the plan as it stands now is to just show up there on the morning of Sept. 3 and see what happens. We’re betting that even if we’re not permitted to stay there all season, they’re not going to make us move once we’re set up. And if no one minds, we’re there for the whole year.

And if someone does mind, we have other options.

If you joined us for last season’s first time — the Thursday night one against Marshall — you’ll recall that we ended up in the construction-shrunken South Lincoln lot. It’s still small, but it’s been reorganized a bit — fresh blacktop, fewer spaces, a little grass nearby, a little more room to spread out. Last year we secured a special tag that allowed us to use that lot in conjunction with the 12th and Cannon pass; we’re not sure if we can get that again this year, but we’re certainly going to look into it.

And then there’s this, the lot north of St. John Arena. This would be a huge change, yes, but one I think we could manage. This is the designated handicapped accessible lot for Football Saturdays. We don’t need a pass to get in this one; we just need to get there early (it’s first-come, first-served), we need Bud’s handicapped hang-tag (and Bud, since the tag is issued to him) and we need $15. There’s lots of room here, and the space alongside the French Field House (that’s the building on the right) even have some grass between the lot and the building. There’s a shuttle that, in theory, could get my folks to and from the stadium easily, and it would be a shorter walk for the rest of us.

A shorter walk, that is, from the tailgating spot. This would obviously require some adjustment from those who park at the hospital (ahem, Coochie Doctor and Matlock) or in the Cannon lots (ahem, everyone else). But there are plenty of day-of-game parking lots (the ones, marked in red on the university’s handy parking map, that you don’t need a pass to use) nearby, at Fawcett Center, across Lane, on the other side of the Olentangy between Lane and Woody Hayes, etc. Yep, that would be a hike for you guys, and that’s why I’m thinking this one is a decent option, but not the best one.

(There is, of course, one other possibility that we know we can do — the Cannon lots. But they’re big, they’re sloppy and crowded and they’re a long freaking way from the stadium — and I’d rather not).

When Dad and I left campus last week, we both felt oddly optimistic about being able to park fairly close to where we’ve always been. Sure, it won’t be quite the same — but there’s an awful lot about this season that will be, uh, different, and it won’t hurt a thing if tailgating is a little different as well.


legendary leadership.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Let’s get caught up:

  • Ohio State beat Michigan. That’s seven in a row for those keeping track. Which we definitely are.
  • Ohio State also won a share of its sixth-straight Big Ten title, for those keeping track. Which we definitely are.
  • Ohio State’s basketball team is crushing everyone.
  • Mrs. Crappy and I still haven’t bought a Christmas tree.
  • I’ve started wearing bow ties to work.
  • The Big Ten came up with the dumbest possible names for the football divisions.
  • So — How’s your Christmas shopping coming along?

Actually, there a little more I wanted to say about the division names, which will be called Leaders and Legends.


Yes, the conference has leaders and it has legends (as we’ll discuss in just a minute with the list of 443,678 trophies to be handed out each year). Maybe we could have named the divisions after a couple of those guys (Hayes and Schembechler)? Or perhaps we could have chosen geographic features (Lakes and Plains)?

Meat and Cheese? Cold and Almost As Cold? Beef and Pork? Lennon and McCartney? Franks and Beans? Jagger and Richards? Eggs and Bacon? Abbott and Costello? Gin and Tonic? Stoicism and Work Ethic? Rocky and Bullwinkle? Smoke and Mirrors? Siskel and Ebert?

Or perhaps just something completely obvious, like East and West?

Howsabout anything — anything — except Leaders and Legends?

There was more stuff involved with the announcement of the name. For example, we have a new logo:

Underwhelming. Although I kind of like the shortened version:


No outside food or drinks, sir. We're going to have to confiscate that bottle.


And as I mentioned before, we have trophies. Dozens of trophies. I think we need more trophies. Named for every single leader and legend the conference has ever had. We shouldn’t stop adding trophies until every single player who’s ever played in a Big Ten football game has a trophy named after him. And then we can start on the fans:


The Buckeyeman Wooooo I Got On TV Fan Of The Year.


Let’s stop for a minute and think about something. The Big Ten reported revenue of $222 million for fiscal 2009. It can afford expensive and talented design and marketing agencies. It has the money to pay for focus groups and studies. I have no idea whether it did these things or not, but I’m guessing it didn’t.

And if it did, it should probably ask for its money back.


OK. If I’m being honest, I’ll admit to not minding the trophies too much — and at least they’re named for actual people. The logo? It’s shaky, but I’ll get used to it. But the conference completely missed the mark on the division names; if I’m a player — which I am not — I am not getting excited about putting on a Leaders Division Champions 2011 hat at the end of the season.

(Conference folks, pay close attention here:) And if I’m a fan who regularly spends too much money on football-related gear every season — and I am definitely one of those, boys and girls — I am not spending a dime on Leaders Division championship T-shirts, hoodies or hats.

The good news? Conference Overlord Jim Delany admitted this week that the division names are unpopular, that the conference might have missed the mark and that it might consider a change:

“I don’t think you make a judgment in 48 hours or 72 hours. Eventually, we’re going to have to address the issue of whether or not it’s sustainable, but I don’t think that’s a decision for today. We have to listen and we have to be humble about the reactions we’ve gotten.”

Good thinking, Mister Delany. I hope you’ll have those Pork Division championship shirts ready by the end of the 2011 season.


makin’ meat.

I’m just the clean-up crew, but I am here to post some photos of Fred’s weekend sausage-making extravaganza.

Supplies: slabs of meat and fat, spices, stand mixer and accessories.

Essential helper: Spencer the chocolate lab.

Not sure which flavor: either hot Italian or maple.

Cajun sausage - unusual because its contents are cooked. "This one smells best," says Spencer.

More makin' of the Cajun sausage.

All ready for sampling on Saturday morning.


not working for me.

Iowa’s visitors locker room is supposed to make you feel docile.

I think all it would actually do is piss me off. Like it kind of is right now.



I’m curious to hear whether any of the other KNTers remember a scoreboard video clip where the girl tackles the penguin in the back yard. It was kind of similar to this:


a special toast.

In lieu of an actual toast before tonight’s Minnie Soda game (y’all got that from the previous post, right?), here’s a look at last week’s version. Note the special guests.

2017 schedule

Aug. 31: vs. at Indiana, 8 p.m.
Sept. 9: Oklahoma, 7:30 p.m.
Sept. 16: Army, 4:30 p.m.
Sept. 23: UNLV
Sept. 30: at Rutgers
Oct. 4: at Maryland
Oct. 7: Maryland
Oct. 14: at Nebraska
Oct. 28: Penn State, 3:30 p.m.
Nov. 4: at Iowa
Nov. 11: Michigan State
Nov. 18: Illinois
Nov. 22: Indiana
Nov. 25: at Team Up North, noon
Dec. 2: B1G Championship, 8 p.m.

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