Killer Nuts Tailgating

The freaking wackos will be ready for you, Randy.

Bud gets partial credit for this, as he just sent me an email with the link to the OZone.net. I don’t want to give this more intro than it needs, but here’s the gist: Apparently Randy Shannon, the U’s head coach, recently made the following remarks about Saturday’s game:

You see a lot of traditions in small towns and little cities like Columbus. But the guys (his players) aren’t enamored with it because of what we see when we go out. You may see an Alex Rodriguez, a Wayans brother or Dwayne Wade. Those are big name guys.

Yeah, OK, coach.

Among the responses on the OZone’s message boards was this one, from a purported Michigan fan named Thom Dartt:

Randy Shannon does what people who don’t understand Ohio State football and its fans tend to do: Underestimate them and RUN THEIR MOUTHS. Shannon, who obviously has his Doctorate in Geography, referred to Columbus as a ‘small town.’

Pssssst! Randy! Over here! Yeah, um Miami has a population of about 362,000. Mmmm hmmm, and Columbus has a population of about 710,000. That’s TWICE the size of LITTLE Miami. In fact, Miami would be the 4th largest city in Ohio, JUST ahead of Toledo and Dayton.

Then he says his team sees ‘stars all the time’ like THE WAYANS BROTHERS. Hang on just a second. I have to check my definition of ‘star’/’celebrity.’ Yep, I thought so. NONE of the Wayans brothers, sisters, parents or grandparents are stars or celebrities, unless they were at the Bellbrook festival. And even then…

See, what this idiot fails to realize is that this game is about the Ohio State fans. None of the players even remember 2002. Few, if any of Miami’s coaches, were on their staff in 2002. Some of Ohio State’s were.

Ah, but the fans were all there THEN and they’re all here NOW. And the Scarlet and Gray legions have had to hear over and over and over and over how they got lucky to win the Fiesta Bowl, that Miami REALLY won that game, that Miami was robbed…

Guilty. I was one of the ones that said they were lucky. After further review, Ohio State out-played Miami.

Anyway, Ohio State fans have been seething about those comments and couldn’t wait for this game. Nope, it’s not a ‘rematch,’ but to Ohio State’s fans this means A LOT!

So, Randy, as a Michigan fan, whom the Buckeye faithful HATE, let me help you to understand what you’ll face on Saturday: 100,000+ FREAKING WACKOS who have had time to let that hate and anger for that stupid U build for nearly eight years (And they WON! Can you imagine if they had lost on that call???), who have an anger management issue with people who talk smack about their team/town, who will have several hours to enjoy a few adult beverages, and who want to win every game like their lives depend on it.

They will yell incessantly, cheer every one of their good plays (followed by the chords of various Buckeye songs after those plays), REALLY cheer every one of your bad plays, and never sit down. Oh, and unlike the LITTLE stadiums you play in, this one is BIG and it will be FULL, and IT WILL BE LOUD.

See, Randy, this isn’t Boston College, North Carolina or even Florida State you’re playing. Those LIBRARIES would be sweet compared to the insane asylum that awaits your team on Saturday. Trust me. I’ve been there five times for Michigan games, and several more for other games.

You made a mistake and the Buckeye fans do NOT forgive.

Oh, and one other trivial matter: YOU WILL LOSE. Badly.

Thanks, Thom. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Love, one of the Freaking Wackos in 14C.