Posts Tagged ‘uncle crappy



23
Dec
10

furious.

The first half of the 2011 season ain’t going to be pretty.

That’s because five boneheads thought they could cash in on Gold Pants, championship rings and game-used jerseys and shoes. And more importantly, because Ohio State’s athletics department apparently didn’t do enough to let those boneheads know about the ins and outs of improper benefits.

AD Gene Smith is going over the NCAA’s findings at a news conference right now, but the release from the NCAA pretty much says all I need to hear. The facts:

  • Terrelle Pryor, Boom Herron, Mike Adams, Devier Posey and Solomon Thomas all must sit out the first five games of the season, for selling Gold Pants — the gold charms team members receive from the university when the team beats Michigan — Big Ten championship rings, and stuff they wore during games.
  • A sixth player, linebacker Jordan Whiting, must miss one game.
  • All six players have to make financial restitution, ranging from $150 to $2,500, to an NCAA-approved charity.

Let’s recap: Pryor. Posey. Herron. Adams. What do you think the offense is going to look like through September of next year? Sure, as Jim Tressel will say, we’ve got some guys, but those four are all-conference performers with all-American potential. The first two games of that stretch are Akron and Toledo; the last three are at Miami — and not the one in Oxford, Ohio, boys and girls — and against Colorado and a Michigan State team that very badly will want to prove this year was not a fluke.

Anyone else cringing at the thought of a 3-2 start? And if Colorado is better, howsabout 2-3?

Bottom line No. 1: The players should know better. Yes, many of these guys were in junior high school when Troy Smith had to sit out a couple games for taking improper benefits in 2005, but that’s still a shining definition of “improper benefits” and what the consequences should be. And it happened just five years ago.

Bottom line No. 2: Check this quote from AD Smith:

“We were not as explicit with our student-athlete education as we should have been in the 2007-08 and 2008-09 academic years regarding the sale of apparel, awards and gifts issued by the athletics department,” Smith said. “We began to significantly improve our education in November of 2009 to address these issues. After going through this experience, we will further enhance our education for all our student-athletes as we move forward.”

I have questions, Gene.

  • Why wasn’t the athletics department doing comprehensive compliance education in 2007, 2008 or 2009? That’s just one season removed from Troy Smith’s suspension; it seems to me there would have been a need.
  • Is there not a class on what student-athletes can and cannot do? I would think that’s something that every scholarship athlete should have to sit through the minute he or she first sets foot on campus — and then again every single fall.
  • Why the change in November 2009? Did something else happen? Should we be waiting for worse news?

I don’t want to leave Tressel out of this either. It’s unrealistic to expect a coaching staff to know the comings and goings of 100-plus football players. It’s not, however, unrealistic to expect that a coach like Tressel — who is know for meticulous, thorough preparation — would make sure his players know the specifics of what is acceptable under the NCAA rules and what is not.

The suspensions don’t take place during the upcoming Sugar Bowl — and I’m not sure I give a shit. I wrote on Uncle Crappy a couple days ago — half-jokingly — about the conflict I’m feeling about the Winter Classic hockey game in Pittsburgh on New Year’s Day and the Sugar Bowl.

I was excited about both, and my superstitious side has been growing uncomfortable with mixing mojo as the games approach. This could change, but if you were to ask me right now, I’d say watching the Sugar Bowl doesn’t seem especially exciting.

 

17
Dec
10

legendary leadership.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Let’s get caught up:

  • Ohio State beat Michigan. That’s seven in a row for those keeping track. Which we definitely are.
  • Ohio State also won a share of its sixth-straight Big Ten title, for those keeping track. Which we definitely are.
  • Ohio State’s basketball team is crushing everyone.
  • Mrs. Crappy and I still haven’t bought a Christmas tree.
  • I’ve started wearing bow ties to work.
  • The Big Ten came up with the dumbest possible names for the football divisions.
  • So — How’s your Christmas shopping coming along?

Actually, there a little more I wanted to say about the division names, which will be called Leaders and Legends.

Sigh.

Yes, the conference has leaders and it has legends (as we’ll discuss in just a minute with the list of 443,678 trophies to be handed out each year). Maybe we could have named the divisions after a couple of those guys (Hayes and Schembechler)? Or perhaps we could have chosen geographic features (Lakes and Plains)?

Meat and Cheese? Cold and Almost As Cold? Beef and Pork? Lennon and McCartney? Franks and Beans? Jagger and Richards? Eggs and Bacon? Abbott and Costello? Gin and Tonic? Stoicism and Work Ethic? Rocky and Bullwinkle? Smoke and Mirrors? Siskel and Ebert?

Or perhaps just something completely obvious, like East and West?

Howsabout anything — anything — except Leaders and Legends?

There was more stuff involved with the announcement of the name. For example, we have a new logo:

Underwhelming. Although I kind of like the shortened version:

 

No outside food or drinks, sir. We're going to have to confiscate that bottle.

 

And as I mentioned before, we have trophies. Dozens of trophies. I think we need more trophies. Named for every single leader and legend the conference has ever had. We shouldn’t stop adding trophies until every single player who’s ever played in a Big Ten football game has a trophy named after him. And then we can start on the fans:

 

The Buckeyeman Wooooo I Got On TV Fan Of The Year.

 

Let’s stop for a minute and think about something. The Big Ten reported revenue of $222 million for fiscal 2009. It can afford expensive and talented design and marketing agencies. It has the money to pay for focus groups and studies. I have no idea whether it did these things or not, but I’m guessing it didn’t.

And if it did, it should probably ask for its money back.

—-

OK. If I’m being honest, I’ll admit to not minding the trophies too much — and at least they’re named for actual people. The logo? It’s shaky, but I’ll get used to it. But the conference completely missed the mark on the division names; if I’m a player — which I am not — I am not getting excited about putting on a Leaders Division Champions 2011 hat at the end of the season.

(Conference folks, pay close attention here:) And if I’m a fan who regularly spends too much money on football-related gear every season — and I am definitely one of those, boys and girls — I am not spending a dime on Leaders Division championship T-shirts, hoodies or hats.

The good news? Conference Overlord Jim Delany admitted this week that the division names are unpopular, that the conference might have missed the mark and that it might consider a change:

“I don’t think you make a judgment in 48 hours or 72 hours. Eventually, we’re going to have to address the issue of whether or not it’s sustainable, but I don’t think that’s a decision for today. We have to listen and we have to be humble about the reactions we’ve gotten.”

Good thinking, Mister Delany. I hope you’ll have those Pork Division championship shirts ready by the end of the 2011 season.

20
Nov
10

iowa got smoked.

About a week ago, I was trying to figure out where Mrs. Crappy and I were going to watch the Iowa game.

And then Matlock and the Coochie Doctor said they were going to fire up the smoker for the game. And we found ourselves driving to Columbus to watch an Ohio State game on television.

Oh, and eat huge piles of freshly smoked pulled pork. Here’s the CD explaining the sauces and Matlock — with the help of Mrs. Crappy and Juan — picking the meat he just brought inside:

18
Nov
10

hang those chads.

A quick reminder: I’ll close the voting on our Michigan meats of choice tonight, so if you have a strong preference, get your votes in now.

17
Nov
10

ode to cheese.

I know I made a big deal when we started KNT about the fact that we’d post recipes here; I know that some of us *coughmrscrappyahem* haven’t really gotten around to posting about what they’ve cooked.

I have a recipe, used just last Saturday. I’m not sure it qualifies as cooking — and in the interest of full disclosure, I should say that Mrs. Crappy actually made this while I was loading the truck Saturday morning — but it was everything I was hoping for and more.

Ladies and gentlemen — the Official Queso Dip of the Big Ten Network:

You take two cans of this:

Dice 32 ounces of this:

And put them all in a bowl in the microwave until it’s all melty. Kind of like this:

Not a picture of our presentation, which involved a crock pot and an open bag of Fritos Scoops sitting next to it.

I wanted to try this for the cheesiness factor alone — not the cheese factor, because, let’s face it, no actual cheese is involved here — and I would have happy with just about any result. But, uh, I can happily report that this was actually good. We broke out the bowl with a bag of Fritos Scoops and the KNTers killed the whole thing in about an hour. The Ro*Tel tomatoes and chilies have a pretty good amount of spice by themselves; unless you really wanted to go big, you don’t have to adjust for that kind of heat.

There is a variation I will likely try for the Michigan game. When I tweeted last week about making this, my friend Jennifer mentioned her standard additions to the standard recipe — a pound of cooked ground sausage and a brick of cream cheese. Dude — there’s no way I’m not going to give that a shot.

Best part? We’ve finally come around to supporting the advertiser that single-handedly kept the Big Ten Network afloat for its first year of existence. And I have a feeling we’ll be doing that again and again and again.

15
Nov
10

meat!

It’s a tradition with a history nearly as long and illustrious as the Killer Nuts Tailgate parties themselves: Fred makes sausage for the Michigan game.

This tradition has its roots way back when Fred, then a vegetarian, ate a sample of prosciutto while on a flight to Italy. He didn’t just fall of the vegetarian wagon — he jumped off, slashed the wagon’s tires, set the whole thing ablaze and used the flames to  sear a rare 32-ounce porterhouse.

Oh, and he also started making his own sausage. I don’t remember which Michigan game it was when the sausage first appeared, but I know it was a win, and I remember declaring that Fred had to make sausage for the the Michigan tailgate from that point forward until the end of time.

Time has not yet ended, and we’re just a couple weeks away from the Michigan game, so Fred is about ready to make this year’s batch — and that’s where he needs our help. He’s set on making two varieties — a maple breakfast sausage, which has become something of a staple, and a hot Italian sausage, using some of the chilies Mrs. Crappy and I grew this summer. He wants to make two more varieties, but he is unsure which to choose.

And that means it’s time for a poll.

Let’s pretend we live in Florida — vote twice, once for each of these choices that sounds the best for you. We’ll close the poll at midnight Thursday so Fred can have his list ready for a visit to the butcher on Friday.

I asked Fred for brief descriptions of our choices. Here’s what he came up with:

  • Vienna – the little wiener sausages that you can eat by the handful; includes all the major meat groups (beef, pork, veal – yes, veal)
  • Mustardy Beef – this would be our basic beef link.  Would it be a classic or would it be boring?
  • Swedish Potato – beef,  pork butt, pork fat, potatoes.  I will cook these in low-fat chicken broth and they should taste great with any diet soft drink.
  • Cajun Boudin Blanc – considered a “religion” in SW Louisiana.  Pork + pork + pork fat + SPICES + rice + accordion & fiddle music while cooking.
  • Turkey/Cranberry/Nut – what you will have eaten the 2 previous days, but in tubular form.

I can’t see how we can go wrong. Make yer choices people, and Fred will work his magic.

15
Nov
10

luckeyes prevail.

Dane is about to get lucky.

Not many people outside of the state of Ohio like Ohio State.

Actually, that’s an understatement — “hate” is probably a better word.

I get it. And I don’t mind.

What does bother me is the dumb stuff I have to put up with because of my college football allegiance. I’ve been made to feel like I should be ashamed of Ohio State’s appearances in the national championship games. I’ve heard over and over — from fans of teams that routinely play D1-AA opponents — that Ohio State plays soft schedules. And then there’s this one, which pisses me off to no end: the Luckeyes.

When I opened up Twitter after the game on Saturday, I came across several conversations about how Ohio State had lucked into yet another win. Frankly, I was stunned by that reaction; I asked, and I never did get a satisfactory response as to how scoring 35 unanswered points or winning by 24 could be considered lucky.

Yeah, there was one lucky play, when Pryor’s pass caromed off Posey and into the hands of Sanzenbacher, just as he was crossing the goal line. And if that were the game’s deciding score, I would be happy to admit that Ohio State was lucky as hell.

(Actually, I have a little difficulty writing off that play as well, especially after years of living in Pittsburgh and hearing the constant celebrations of the Immaculate Reception, which might be the luckiest play in the history of football.)

But that touchdown and extra point put Ohio State up by 10 and there would be two more scores before we were done for the night. What about the 96-yard drive midway through the third quarter? Where were the lucky plays on that one? Were the two interception returns for touchdowns lucky? No, they were mistakes by Penn State’s young quarterback. The seven-play, 78-yard drive in the fourth quarter? Maybe someone could explain to me how that one was lucky as well.

Oh, and we certainly got lucky as hell on the way to holding the Lions to 60 total yards in the second half. Whew.

I try not to be an asshole about this stuff in general, and in the case of the Penn State rivalry, I’m especially sensitive about my behavior. I have a lot of good friends who are cheering for the team on the other sideline and they deserve better than having to listen to me spout off about the game that just ended.

I also don’t make excuses. The 2001 and 2005 games? Ohio State got beat, period. The 2008 game was one of the best games I’ve ever seen in the stadium, and Penn State made the plays it needed to to win on the road. Even during the first half of Saturday’s game, it was easy to see which team wanted the win more, and it wasn’t the guys I was cheering for.

But there are those who apparently think what happened in the second half was an anomaly. And here I am again, trying to find something to appreciate about another win by the Luckeyes.

Guess what folks? I’ll happily put this one up alongside the national championship, two other title-game appearances, six straight wins over Michigan and five straight outright or shared conference titles — you know, all those other games and championships Ohio State fans aren’t supposed to enjoy.

14
Nov
10

hey, it’s the crappys!

 

Dispatch photographer Doral Chenoweth took a panoramic shot of the stadium during the second quarter of Saturday’s game.

I found Mrs. Crappy and me with no trouble. Can you find your seats as well?

10
Nov
10

a little help.

Apparently there has been some confusion over ordering shirts from the official Killer Nuts Tailgating site. So to make sure we can all get the goodies we want, here’s a step-by-step walkthrough:

1) Go to the store by clicking here: killernutstailgating.spreadshirt.com

2) Find the style you want.

3) In the window for that style, select the size you need in the drop-down menu (see below).

4) When you’ve picked the size, click on the shopping cart icon (see below), and that selection will be added to the cart. That will take you to a page where you can choose to proceed to purchase or continue shopping. If you continue shopping, you’ll go back to the store page, where you can make additional selections.

5) When you’ve picked out everything you want, hit proceed to purchase. You’ll go through successive screens where you enter shipping and billing addresses and credit card information. (If you have a PayPal account, you can also elect to pay that way — it will automatically take you to your PayPal account to complete the transaction.)

6) Finally, you’ll land on a page where you review your order. Click “Place your order” at the bottom of the page and you’re all set.

If you haven’t checked out the store since it was announced here a couple weeks ago, you should take a look. We’ve filled a couple of special requests — white Ts with red or gray letters — and we’ve added hoodies in scarlet or gray. And if you’re ordering soon, you have them in plenty of time for that last tailgate party of the year.

Additional questions? Additional requests? Just lemme know.

07
Nov
10

stretch run.

If you hadn’t noticed — I hadn’t either, to be honest, but Crappydad pointed it out to me — the schedule for the rest of the year has been set. Here’s a look:

Penn State, 3:30. I’m very happy that this is an afternoon game, because we can give it the kind of tailgating attention it deserves. Yeah, I know, Penn State just became bowl eligible and they’re not having the kind of year that makes Happy Valley especially happy, but for me anyway, this game is second only to the Team Up North on the Big Ten schedule. And I’m looking forward to it as usual.

Iowa, 3:30. This one is tricky. No tailgating for a road game, of course, but the afternoon thing makes me unsure about where to watch. I’m 1-1 watching games at home, so that doesn’t really have a bearing on my position. Do we go out? Load up on stuff and stay home? Suggestions?

Team Up North, noon. I’ll be honest — I loved it in 2006 when this was a 3:30 game. Granted, that one was kind of a special circumstance, but damn, a long tailgate party for the Michigan game was the right way to go. But noon is the traditional spot for this one, and we’ll do as we always have … except that I’d like to do it even earlier than normal. Is a 7 a.m. start too much?




2017 schedule

Aug. 31: vs. at Indiana, 8 p.m.
Sept. 9: Oklahoma, 7:30 p.m.
Sept. 16: Army, 4:30 p.m.
Sept. 23: UNLV
Sept. 30: at Rutgers
Oct. 4: at Maryland
Oct. 7: Maryland
Oct. 14: at Nebraska
Oct. 28: Penn State, 3:30 p.m.
Nov. 4: at Iowa
Nov. 11: Michigan State
Nov. 18: Illinois
Nov. 22: Indiana
Nov. 25: at Team Up North, noon
Dec. 2: B1G Championship, 8 p.m.

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